is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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