The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
