Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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