Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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