Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
