Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
