I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
