WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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