turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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