hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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