there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
