I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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