Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
