You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm really busy with my period
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