my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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