someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
