if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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