why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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