AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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