I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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