The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize