I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
