I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
