the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
