drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
