...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
