3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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