just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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