I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
