I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?