'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.