if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
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last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......