Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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