I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house