1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.