I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
