you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
