idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
