I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
