Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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