Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize