So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need moral support for this bender
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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