It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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