i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found a bag of teeth...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
