im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
