you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
