i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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