please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
