So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
