i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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