He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
