he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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