Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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