the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
