Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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