Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
