i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
