hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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