I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
