I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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