If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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