We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
