You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
