Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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