Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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