dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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