I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
