I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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