cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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