I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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