We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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